Everything will eventually kill you

Yesterday I was working a booth at the North Florida Home Show, basically a big convention where you can walk around to a bunch of booths and sign up to have someone carpet your bedroom, build a patio set up from scratch and even get a chance to "win" gift cards and computers when really all it does it put you on someone's mailing list until the end of time. Wanna talk about multiple choice? These shows are like walking through a multiple-choice test sheet where the answers are actually popping out of the paper and begging you to choose them over the others. It's almost empowering, almost.

There's 10 of the exact same company, all marketing similar gimmicks. It's like going to a food court and trying to decide between McDonalds and Burger King when you haven't tasted the fries yet. It's brilliant really. People pay money to get into these shows expecting free stuff, then walk out of there spending more money than they have in collective bank accounts because these sales people are just that good.

The worst was the booth across from me, where this guy, John, was selling "waterless" cookware. This guy was the guilt guru, I swear. He managed to make people feel so bad about the foods they were eating (fried, sweet, salty foods...basically anything with flavor) and the way they were cooking them. He did a demonstration where he fried potatoes and chicken without oil or water on some special 100% copper cookware and sliced vegetables in less than 3 seconds with very little clean up. Sounds great, sure, until you hear the price.

But by the time you find out how much of your arms and legs this stuff will cost, you're already feeling so down and guilty about how much cancer you've fed your family that there's no way you can afford NOT to buy these miracle pots and pans. That's right: miracle POTS AND PANS. -.-

This isn't multiple choice, or even limited choice. This is leaving the consumer with NO choice at all but to spend $400 on a frying pan. No lie. The full set of cookware is thousands of dollars. But don't worry, they'll throw in a set of 3 spoons to balance it out. I mean, who doesn't love free stuff?

Honestly, buying a set of cookware that will last your entire life is really worth spending some money; however, don't buy something like "waterless" cookware just because the guy that's trying to sell it to you claims that cooking any other way will kill you. That's incredible advertising, and it'd be nice if less people fell for it. After all, that's how millions of households ended up with garbage like the ab shocker and snuggies.

PS: Snuggies are backwards bathrobes. If you already own a bathrobe, don't be a moron and spend more money. Wear your bathrobe backwards and revel in the irony of it all as you sit comfortably by the fire with an extra $50 in your pocket.