Mawwage is a bwessed time...

The question of the year that I get asked at least once a day is "So when are you getting married?" Now I get that there is a legit reason people ask me this, since I am engaged and all, but it still irks me to have to say things like "Not today" and "IDK my BFFWhenever" in response. Lately I've even just resort to shrugging and walking away. Its not a question I'm keen on answering at the moment.

Why you ask? Oh well, that has to do with the actual act of getting married. I've never wanted to get married. I'm not one of those girls who sat around in her room playing dress up in mom's veil at 7 years old, dreaming of the "most important day of my life" and how beautiful I will be as a bride. No, that wasn't me and it still isn't.

A wedding day not the most important day of a girl's life. Maybe in the stone age, when a woman's entire purpose was to find someone to club her over the head so she can pop out his babies, or in the middle ages when women were sold to their husbands for a few grand and a goat, but not today. Honestly, my graduation for my Master's and Ed.S degrees are exponentially more important than my wedding day. A wedding is just a party that two people have to celebrate their love and newfound legality as a couple. Graduating with a Master's and an Ed.S. degree is a celebration of hard work, dedication and education. Sorry, but the latter outweighs the former by several metric tons on the importance scale.

Now it's not marriage itself that grinds my gears. I love my fiance more than I can even thought was possible, and I am so happy to pledge my love to him for the rest of our lives. I'd sign a marriage contract yesterday. If that were all a wedding was about, I'd have done it months ago. But like matrix algebra, it's just not as easy as it should be.

Weddings are now something that is so commonplace that it is normal for people to have several throughout their lifetime. Divorce hasn't been a rarity in decades, and now marriage is turning into something akin to an Olympic sport for whoever can throw the biggest, most elaborate wedding, nevermind who the groom is. The wedding day has become so much more important than the lifelong marriage, and this is why it rarely lasts anymore. All that matters is being a bride for a day, being the center of attention at the world's greatest gala, and if you don't get it perfect on the first try, well there's always next time.

Marriage is supposed to be a commitment of love and life, but lately all it has become is a byproduct of weddings. Some women are so wedding crazy, wanting to be Carrie Bradshaw in a soft pink wedding gown with the "cutest little stilettos" that they'll say yes to anyone who pops down on one knee and gives them a shiny new diamond. Too often the guy is in it for love, but all he's really there for is to give her her special day and shower her with diamonds and financial stability. Not the best recipe for a 50 year marriage, but I'm sure it'll be one kick ass 4-hour wedding reception.

This by no means is a shot at people who have done the big wedding thing. If you have the money to spend and this is really what you wanted, by all means go do it. Just don't get married when all you really want is to have a wedding. Marriage lasts alot longer than weddings, and is worth waiting to have a wedding if it means sharing the rest of your life with the right person. Love > party.

I know that no matter how we do it and when, David and I will love each other forever. Because it's not the day that we want; it's the lifelong love that is officiated with our signatures on that particular day. I'd be a happy bride in a gown or a garbage bag so long as my friends and family were there to share in my happiness with me.

Did you want that in karats or carrots?

I facepalm alot at the stupidity of the average consumer, but on a day like today, Valentine's Day (I leave the St. off of it, because there is nothing saintly about a day of pure greed and gluttony), I should just glue my hand to my face. It's ridiculous.

Today, it's like someone pressed pause on everything important in the world and all attention has suddenly turned to the giant gold plated elephant in your girlfriend's bedroom. Oh, and diamond encrusted, can't forget that. The most important thing anyone can do on Valentine's day is MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE they have spent the most money they can to "prove" their devotion and love to their dearest Significant Other. Really? /facepalm

Today, sales of flowers and teddy bears and diamonds and gold and chocolates and dining out and limo rides and anything else cliche that people can think of are SKYROCKETING....and all the while, people in Haiti are still suffering. Women and men across teh globe are poised and ready to be incredibly pissed off if their SO doesn't meet their excessively high stanards, forgetting for the entire day that um...none of that matters at all.

The day before Valentine's Day, you loved your SO. They didnt have to prove it with money, gifts or waiting on you hand and foot. You simply loved them for who they are and what they meant to you. However, as soon as the clock strikes 12 and the day changes over, suddenly its a game. The game in typical (male-female) American cases goes like this:

Men start off losing. The day begins and they're already in trouble. They have to spend the entire day proving themselves with gifts and such just to get out of the dog house (since if they do nothing special, that's where they'll be, even though that was perfectly ok the day before). If they make the grade with the traditional gifts, they're safe. They can sleep in their own beds and maybe even get a smile from their wives or girlfriends. If they go for the expensive stuff, diamonds and red carpet treatment, they may even get the lingerie surprise that their gf/wife bought "them". But the amount of work that goes into this cannot possibly equal the prize at the end of the rainbow...especially since its probably not going to be any better or different than it was last saturday after your friend's cocktail party.

Such a stupid game we play, and why? Because we're told that's what we have to do on this exact day every year. They have us down to a science. It's mind control in the form of commercial advertising and tradition. They make it the "norm" the "thing celebrities are doing" and we all jump and say "how much!!?"

Ask the people in Haiti what they're doing for Valentine's Day. Go ahead, I dare you. This year, look your SO in the eye and say this:
"Well, I was going to do something for you for Valentine's Day, but instead I donated all that money to Haiti" (or some other unfortunate people or some humanitarian cause).
If they get mad at you for that, even a little bit...maybe its time you reevaluated if thats the kind of person you want to be with.

It's Valentine's Day. Grow a heart, not your wallet.

14 facts for the 14tf of February's National Dog House Day

So Valentine's Day is approaching. There will be an at-length rant coming that touches on how I feel about this commercial, National Debt and Dog House day. For now, enjoy these 14 Miserable Facts about Valentines day (taken from http://listverse.com/2010/02/10/14-miserable-facts-about-st-valentines-day/).

14 Miserable Facts about Valentine's Day

1. In the two week period leading up to Valentine’s Day, American sales of gold jewelry lead to 34 million metric tons of waste.

2. The vast majority of roses sold for Valentine’s Day in the U.S. are imported from South America, wasting fossil fuels.

3. Valentine’s Day traces its roots to an ancient pagan holiday called Lupercalia, in which men stripped naked, grabbed whips, and spanked young women in hopes of increasing their fertility.

4. The Christian martyr St. Valentine was beheaded on February 14 for performing marriages in secret.

5. Research suggests that 75 percent of suicide attempts are attributable to relationship problems.

6. 46 percent of Americans will exchange Valentine’s Day candy.

7. 67 percent of Americans are overweight or obese.

8. The first Valentine’s Day card was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. He remained a prisoner of war for the next twenty-four years.

9. A recent poll found that one in ten young adults admitted to feeling lonely, insecure, depressed, or unwanted on Valentine’s Day. And that’s just the ones that admitted it.

10. Forty percent of people have negative feelings towards Valentine’s Day.

11. The famous St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, in which seven Chicago gangsters were gunned down on February 14, 1929, was one of the bloodiest in mob history (pictured above).

12. 64 percent of American men do not make Valentine’s Day plans in advance.

13. Candy hearts taste like crap.

14. Even if you’re really, really in love right now, you’re still going to die eventually.

Lia Romeo and Nick Romeo are the authors of the humor book 11,002 Things to Be Miserable About and the humor blog www.thingstobemiserableabout.com.

Speaking of choices, here's a list

Just thought I'd post the Bonnaroo Line up for anyone who wants it.

Also: Releasing the lineup slowly is cruel and unusual punishment for people who are die hard Music-freaks.

LAST UPDATE :: 12:48 PM

Weezer

Phoenix

Blues Traveler

OK GO

Baroness

John Fogerty

The Flaming Lips

Jeff Beck

Medeski, Martin & Wood

Isis

The Punch Brothers

311

The Avett Brothers

Cross Canadian Ragweed

Bass Nectar

Neon Indian

Daryl Hall w/Chromeo

Monte Montgomery

The Asterisk

Big Sam’s Funky Nation

Dave Matthews Band

The Black Keys

The Constellations

The Carolina Chocolate Drops

Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers

The National

Ingrid Michealson

Aeroplane

The xx

Everything will eventually kill you

Yesterday I was working a booth at the North Florida Home Show, basically a big convention where you can walk around to a bunch of booths and sign up to have someone carpet your bedroom, build a patio set up from scratch and even get a chance to "win" gift cards and computers when really all it does it put you on someone's mailing list until the end of time. Wanna talk about multiple choice? These shows are like walking through a multiple-choice test sheet where the answers are actually popping out of the paper and begging you to choose them over the others. It's almost empowering, almost.

There's 10 of the exact same company, all marketing similar gimmicks. It's like going to a food court and trying to decide between McDonalds and Burger King when you haven't tasted the fries yet. It's brilliant really. People pay money to get into these shows expecting free stuff, then walk out of there spending more money than they have in collective bank accounts because these sales people are just that good.

The worst was the booth across from me, where this guy, John, was selling "waterless" cookware. This guy was the guilt guru, I swear. He managed to make people feel so bad about the foods they were eating (fried, sweet, salty foods...basically anything with flavor) and the way they were cooking them. He did a demonstration where he fried potatoes and chicken without oil or water on some special 100% copper cookware and sliced vegetables in less than 3 seconds with very little clean up. Sounds great, sure, until you hear the price.

But by the time you find out how much of your arms and legs this stuff will cost, you're already feeling so down and guilty about how much cancer you've fed your family that there's no way you can afford NOT to buy these miracle pots and pans. That's right: miracle POTS AND PANS. -.-

This isn't multiple choice, or even limited choice. This is leaving the consumer with NO choice at all but to spend $400 on a frying pan. No lie. The full set of cookware is thousands of dollars. But don't worry, they'll throw in a set of 3 spoons to balance it out. I mean, who doesn't love free stuff?

Honestly, buying a set of cookware that will last your entire life is really worth spending some money; however, don't buy something like "waterless" cookware just because the guy that's trying to sell it to you claims that cooking any other way will kill you. That's incredible advertising, and it'd be nice if less people fell for it. After all, that's how millions of households ended up with garbage like the ab shocker and snuggies.

PS: Snuggies are backwards bathrobes. If you already own a bathrobe, don't be a moron and spend more money. Wear your bathrobe backwards and revel in the irony of it all as you sit comfortably by the fire with an extra $50 in your pocket.

E: none of the above

So I've decided to start blogging because facepalming all day hurts my face too much. Better I give myself carpal tunnel instead as I rant in text all over the interwebs. At least this way my pain can be meaningful (wow that was emo).

Limited Choice Life, aside from being the name of my blog, is a name for something everyone in the world has and never realizes it. How do I know this? Well...honestly there's no way to know for sure if I'm right, but let's just say, in the famed words of George Carlin, "It came to me in a dream!" Does that work?

No, really though, I came to this realization one day when I was taking the SAT, the worlds most famous multiple choice test. I had come across a problem, one we have all come across I am sure, where none of the answers were right. I did the damn math problem a hundred times and still, I wasn't getting any of the four answers, and "none of the above" wasn't listed. I saved it in my calculator, and when I got home I sent the problem to my dad, a calculus teacher. I figured he had to be able to get it...but no. The test was wrong. The next day, I asked my math teacher what I should do in a case like that and he said the most vile sentence I'd ever heard: "Just pick the answer that's the least wrong, I guess"

That stuck with me all that day. As I drove home from school, I stopped by Burger King for a soda, and as I stared at the menu, I started seeing scantron bubbles. It was like the menu was suddenly translated and I could see that all it had on it were limited choices.

Life is a multiple choice test. Who knows who grades it, but if its anything like the tests served up in public school today, no one actually reads the answers and the end result will only be a loss of money from one of our favorite hobbies and a bigger work load on our desks.

So what is this blog gonna do? I'm going to point out instances where limited choice sucks a hole into my brain and brings my palm to my forehead with force, so that you all can genuinely enjoy my misfortune and relate to this in your own life. Because seriously, if we're stuck with limited choices, we might as well bring them out for the world to see.

I will usually include pictures with my post that go with what I'm talking about. Today my choices were very limited in what I could find (way to prove my point, Google), but I managed to find something rather appropriate. Enjoi.